When the Fear is Gone!

I understand that we are all unique yet share many characteristics. Something I’ve always considered unique about myself is my mindset towards life. I tend towards the happy side. I’m not exactly risk averse. I don’t generally carry negative expectations for my life. That does not mean fear hasn’t smacked me around at times and sadly sometimes for much too long, but my overall approach is that I am going to be okay. And to take it a step further, I owe it to myself (and to God) to figure out how to best enjoy my life. Even when I was a young man, the word on the street was that I was a hedonist (no really) because I was so serious in my pursuit of fun. Or it’s been my experience, there’s this perspective that concludes I must be woefully unaware of the pitfalls of life or even the seriousness of life to think happy is possible every day. As if I came from the factory with a certain naivety that others skipped. So this is in defense of my pursuit to enjoy my life and the days of my life, to the absolute fullest.

The world and its systems have much to say about how life works. Much! You have to do this in order to have this. If you do that, you will surely get that. No exceptions and in every case. There is, in fact, an inexhaustible list of requirements one must do in order to give themselves the best possible shot at being healthy or just being okay. There is a certain amount of money needed and of course, it’s a lot. You cannot get fat, stay fat or eat too much. You have to exercise and eat well and follow the rules for being okay. Everyone knows the rules and everyone seems to live amidst them. No exceptions and in every case. And, my friends, trust me, I get it. As fun loving as I always seemed to be, I also got caught up in trying to work out my own sufficiency. And, in full transparency, I tried to do it for way, way too long. I mean the rules are the rules. And, in further transparency I did it out of fear. Once fear gets in there with it’s millionfold disguises, it’s in there and will start calling the shots. Certainly nothing wrong in the pursuit of good health, controlling yourself, losing weight, quitting drinking or limiting yourself in some capacity. The deeper question is the basis for your actions. If your basis is fear, i.e., “What if you are not going to be okay? or What if something bad happens to you?” then that motivation is fear. Fear simply put is an expectation for a negative outcome. In my pursuit of a life truly lived, I learned and then relearned I have to get rid of fear. My dependence had to be upon something bigger and greater than my ability to make all the right choices. I used to fight my flaws like rats in the subway. But you know what I learned? I’m simply not the determining factor I thought I was! (thank God!) My sufficiency in this life comes from God and not from myself meaning: my actions, my morality, my self discipline, my ability to control, my mistakes, though there be many, what I produce or don’t produce, achieve or do not achieve. My sufficiency and indeed blessing in this life comes from Him and my experience of Him.

Not too long ago, I had to come to terms with a lack of results in my life. My life wasn’t bad but rather felt like I had something mixed up. As in, you are going about it the wrong way. I was struggling to get my happy back, the happy I was used to feeling. I thought I was humble enough but, the scenarios kept playing out as if on repeat. In my frustration, I did something I thought I was already doing. I told God I did not know what to do. Imagine that. I got honest, real honest. That led me to an ongoing series of discoveries concerning how life really works from God Himself. And this may surprise you, it is not what you think. Originally, when God formed, made and created humans, life was meant to be lived in full dependence upon God. He wasn’t supposed to be somewhere in the background reserved for grave difficulties and managing tragedies. Nor was our task to “figure out” our lives on our own and ensure our own safety by following every jot and tittle of the world’s doctrine in order to be okay. He was supposed to be at the center. He is the source of life, our life. He is the point of origin. The closer we got to Him and the more we pursued Him, the better our lives would become exponentially. In our dogged determination to allow Him to take care of us, absent our own meddling always based on fear, we keep our expectation on Him to provide what we need in this life, in every capacity and in every sense. He promised to keep us healthy and heal us when we needed it. In that promise there are no caveats, “as long as you do your part,” or follow all the rules, or exercise discipline or whatever else the word keeps screaming must be done in order to obtain. He gives it to you when you finally believe Him and trust Him. (I know right now your mind may be objecting by saying things like, “You can’t just do whatever” or “You have do your best though” but the truth is the truth.) The same applies to every category of life. Every. Category. Of. Life. This, my friends, is how it is supposed to work. Then you can finally relax because your life and your happiness are not dependent upon everything you do or don’t do. You don’t have to be afraid anymore. You can pursue the things that make you happiest because you don’t have to be afraid of “what if?” anymore. And finally, for those of you still zealous for “your part,” along the journey He is going to enlighten you and encourage you and work in you to do things like control yourself, but not out of any damn fear anymore, but out of love. Love for Him, love for yourself, love for others.

As you might expect, I will continue to defend my pursuit of happiness. If I am wrong, I will learn something. If I go too far, as my old nature memories often suggest, I will adjust and modify. If it turns out I was wrong about something, God will still have a solution for me and will continue to take care of me. I simply cannot lose as long as it remains about Him and not about myself. I’m no longer exhausting myself trying to hedge against every threat. Instead I will continue to draw closer to Him who is love and He who faithfully rewards with me with results I could have never attained on my own. The best life is a life of experiencing Him without any pretense or reservations. The is life when the fear is gone.

Just some good thoughts…