You Have to Fight Back!

When you were a kid, do you remember those scenes where a son got bullied by someone and his Dad made him go back and fight. Maybe this actually happened to you. I used to think it was a cruel thing to do to a kid who obviously just went through a traumatic experience. Yet, when I look back on it now, I can see the wisdom in it. Yes maybe the terrified son got more of the same, but he also may have learned a very valuable lesson. Most people do not like conflict and some will avoid it at all costs. Yet, life is filled with conflict most of which does not involve a fist fight. If you never learned to fight back or fight for yourself, someone did you a great disservice when you were coming up. It’s not about the violence involved, it’s about the mindset. You have to be willing to stand up for yourself in this life or else you will find yourself defeated at every turn. The reason folks spend so much time eating sh*t in their lives is because they don’t have the courage to fight back, to speak up, to handle their business. And like the kid that went back for a second dose of the same, no matter the outcome, you will develop a healthy level of self-respect that no one can take away from you. You have to fight back!

Getting into physical altercations with people generally leads to a bad outcome, even if you win. Plus you may find yourself with some other unintended consequences. Fighting back isn’t about your muscles, it’s about your mind. It’s about that part of you that needs to be respected. We generally acquiesce from fighting back when we feel like we have something to lose. How many people work jobs where they are constantly being disrespected? Yet, God forbid they speak up for themselves, after all, they could get fired. But, is it really worth it? Is it worth repeated damaging blows to your self-esteem? There is a part of you that needs to be protected and it is your job to do the protecting. If you don’t stand up for you, who will? Typically you don’t stand up for yourself out of fear. Bad things could happen to you. But, here’s the kicker, when you don’t stand up for yourself bad things are already happening to you. You are just strengthening the opposing position by sitting back and taking it.  “Why sit we here until we die?” as the Bible aptly proclaims. When are we going to stop allowing fear to dictate the conditions? Much of this stems from the false notion that we are supposed to be our own sufficiency. In other words, we have to do whatever people say or we will lose something. Yet, will you lose something? Oh sure, you may find yourself in a temporary jam, but getting your need met shouldn’t come at the cost of your own self-respect. Otherwise, it costs too much. You owe it to yourself to take on the challenges and conflicts that come your way.

Most of us, it seems, have been taught to avoid conflict by all means. This means keeping silent when a relative or friend is actively coming at us. Well, we justify, it is better to not get everyone upset than to speak up. But, is it better and if so, for whom? It’s certainly not better for you. I have always admired my brother Darren in this regard. My guy will say whatever needs to be said regardless of any feelings involved. And he has, I say with regret, occasionally said something I needed to say. The point is, we have to get past this idea that our lives are lived without conflict. Maybe in our glorious future, but not today. In this world, we have a spiritual opponent coming at us every single day. He works through people, our jobs, and even our own families at times. His goal is always to make you and me less than we actually are. He sets up conditions and circumstances designed to make us feel bad about ourselves. He seeks to conform us to the other sheep and to push us back in line. I mean, after all, who do you think you are? Yet it is in knowing who we are that really makes all the difference. If you are a son or a daughter of the Most High God, then why put up with stuff you don’t need to put up with? This is not a call to become obnoxious and hard to get along with. Instead it’s a call to get back to who you really are, before the world talked you out of it. In order to “win” at life you have to take on the challenges of the day. All of them. Everything you let go of when you knew otherwise, doesn’t go away but comes back to haunt you; to torture you. No one, excepts cops maybe (smile), like conflict. It just doesn’t feel good. But, in a world with a personal adversary, you have to learn to take him on. Not with bravado and puffed up old nature, but rather with the truth of God’s Word that lives in your heart. Jesus, when taking on the devil himself, fought only with God’s Word. If you can do that, you can prevail. Otherwise, your old human logic will be no match for his cruelty.

Much of our conflict in life comes via the things we don’t say that we needed to say. Marriages fail, friendships are lost, bad situations get worse and worse. All because we have grown weary of the fight; the fight for our best lives. I always tell married couples, as long as you are still fighting and voicing your feelings, you have a shot at success. But, when the silence ensues in the midst of the conflicts, that’s when things are headed for disaster. Disaster not from keeping the peace, but from not saying what you needed to say. You’re having the feelings anyway, so you may as well add voice to them. No one enjoys the big fights, but no one enjoys the silence either when the bitterness creeps in. Bitterness only comes from years and years of keeping silent when you needed to speak. The same applies to any situation that involves people. If your boss is being nasty with you or short, why not resolve yourself to have the conversation you need to have. You would surprised about the good that comes from deciding to stop being afraid and saying what you need to say. Humans are forever drawing conclusions and making judgments and how could they think otherwise if you never speak up? Here you sit, fighting mad at your buddy, but he never gets to know it. How much stronger would your relationship be with an honest conversation or two? Honor your feelings. You matter at least as much as the other person, don’t you? Imagine what happens within your heart every time you hush up in favor of keeping the peace. Sure, some situations aren’t worth it, but some are. It would be foolish to try and challenge every silly thing someone says to you. But, sometimes it is far from foolish and you need to do it for your own self.

I can assure you the peace that follows doing and saying what you needed to do and say is far better than the endless suppression for the sake of people. Yet, at the end of the day, our fight is never with the people afflicting us, but rather what is behind the people. The terrible things that are said and done do not originate with man. He just unknowingly speaks and acts. The real problem is with our spiritual opponent hell bent on making our lives difficult and stressful. If it feels hard and complicated, you can be assured the enemy is involved. The things of God are always simple and very straightforward. And for goodness sakes, you are not always wrong! What is the point in having feelings if you are always shutting them down. Instead, pay attention to what is really going on. It will always be fear that shuts your mouth and the only thing that beats fear is action. Indeed, why sit we here until we die? In this life you are going to need to fight back at times. You are going to be required to take on the challenges. Get God involved and take them on. Decide that you are worth the temporary discomfort of the conflict and rejoice in your victory by standing up for yourself. You owe yourself that much.

Just some good thoughts…