Before you get suspicious about and endless stream of sexism involving high heels, lipstick and bedroom antics, rest assured I’m not going there. Instead I was pondering what I think are some common mistakes women make in dating. Of course, I’m no expert but I am a man old enough to get past the usual sex-crazed silliness. I got married at the tender age of 22 while my bride was only 18 and while I wouldn’t recommend getting married that early (i.e. starving college kids have no cash), I did learn some valuable insights.
If you had the fortune or misfortune of meeting me when I was 22 you would have immediately discovered that I was a work in progress; in fact, a huge work in progress. I had no job; no ambition and no clear plans about who I wanted to be. (Funny, I look back on that with fondness) I digress… If my wife’s goal was financial stability, she got the wrong dude (then anyway). If she was looking for a guy who had his stuff together and was going places, she would have to wait awhile to do that. Instead she got a bundle of raw potential and of course, stunning good looks (Hey, it’s my blog!). My actual proposal was laughable (read former description). My plans, nonexistent. But doggone it, she married me anyway. She must have seen something that I couldn’t see.That brings me to the point!
It seems like many women nowadays are looking for the perfect guy. You may have seen him on the Bachelor or on a reality show or somewhere else, compliments of the media. But sadly, unless you are actually marrying Jesus, he doesn’t exist. The TV and movies present this mythical creature that is non-existent; he’s smart, funny, brilliant, successful, accomplished, chiseled and hot. He adores you, even worships you and still has time for business acumen, poetry, playing the guitar and romantic pursuits. Sadly, that’s not the reality of us dudes. At least, not in the beginning.
Finding a good man is sort of like making a business investment. Your betting heavily on something you believe in with the grand hope it pays out later. But trust me on this one, if he’s not all the things you want now, try giving him a minute. Womenkind is sometimes neglectful of the impact they have on us dudes. You know, you can actually get him to stop doing behaviors you don’t like. You can gently nudge him into something called ambition by simply expressing your belief in him. Now obviously you can’t change the total loser, but sometimes, oh sometimes you can. I should add that I’m not saying us guys are like some sort of trainable horse that can eventually be made to do anything. What I’m saying is that you have to look for potential. Look for a kind heart. Look for what can be, over what is. Look for, as my daughter aptly says, love!
I’m reminded of a friend I had on the east coast who was part of our Bible fellowships. She was having trouble dating guys and it never seemed to work out. One day she told me about her last date. She said, “He was trying to talk to me and get to know me and so I told him, (loud voice inserted here) I’m all about the Word of God and if you want to be with me you better be about the Word!” Gasp….LOL Can you imagine? When I met my wife I was already about the Word (foolish, but loved God) and she was already my girlfriend before I brought that up. Us dudes are easily freaked out and that statement would have sent me running as well! Again LOL.
My advice to you, though I know it’s not always this simple, is stop looking for the perfect guy. Sometimes manners and respect still need to be learned. Maybe, just maybe that guy you like who, as the saying goes, aint doing sh*t, just hasn’t gotten started yet. Possibly there is something you see there that no-one else could see. You can’t trust your parents or your friends on this one. What you can trust is your heart, so listen to it even when the circumstances strongly disagree. Treasures of gold aren’t found without much digging.
Enough on us bumblers… How about you women? What should you do? Be yourself, be yourself, be yourself. If you don’t like sports, you don’t have to. Who made up the rule that good couples have to have everything in common? How absurd! My wife and I have lots of things in common, but we didn’t always. You couldn’t bribe my wife to watch a football game when we first got married. Now she not only watches them, but even gets it! (She has the t-shirt to prove it) What I’m getting at is that lots of things change as time moves forward and just because he does something today that annoys you doesn’t mean he always will. And here’s the bonus thought ~ even though I have a lot of my sh*t together now, I still have absurdities that would require a saint to look past. Yeah, I think I married a saint!
Do yourselves a favor and don’t make it harder than it really is. Even after you get married and have been married for many years, you’re still going to hate his ass at times! LOL That’s just how life is. Just find yourself someone that floats your boat and has at least, the potential to one day add a motor!
Disclaimer: That one guy who is hell bent on making your life a misery aint the one!
Just some good thoughts…
Interesting. I have no idea on what a good marriage looks like, but I am trying with mine, even though I ant to give up.
Elle, a good marriage is one that is still intact and working on it!
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